


unexpected.

by Who_Knows



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-22 19:26:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13173618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Who_Knows/pseuds/Who_Knows
Summary: Writing has always been Christen’s way to release bad feelings. If there’s ever been a time to write stuff down, it’s now.





	1. what happened.

The ringing of the phone startled Christen out of her doze. She grumbled. Those telemarketers were really getting out of hand. In the past week alone, she had received 17 calls, all from a man trying to sell some sort of vacuum. 

Because of this, she decided to roll back over, and continue her afternoon nap.  
Less than a second after she began the attempt to fall back asleep, her phone rang again. She rolled out of bed, and glared at her phone, before picking it up and answering. 

"What?!" she said with a huff. 

"Hello. Is this Christen Press speaking?" a female voice answered.

"Um, yes?" Christen said. "Who is this?"

"I'm very sorry to inform you, but your wife was in a accident. You're needed at the hospital immediately."

Christen immediately hung up the call, and threw on random shoes, not aware of the fact that they were different until she got into her car. She sped to the hospital, and got there in record time, as she didn't care about seemingly unimportant things like the speed limit when the love of her life was hurt. 

She sprinted through the entrance of the ER and asked the first person she saw, "My wife is here. Her name is Tobin Heath. Do you know where she is?"

"Oh, yes. Right this way ma'am."

The man led her down a hallway, where a lot of commotion seemed to be taking place. People in scrubs were flocking to a room that had it's door ajar. The man leading her suddenly stopped, and said, "You may want to stay out here for a moment, miss." 

Christen didn't hear a word he said. Instead, she rushed into the room, and looked at her wife, looking completely lifeless, laying in the bed with tubes attached to what appeared to be everywhere. While this was completely surprising to Christen, the most jarring thing was the sound the heart monitor was making. It was a flat tone, and the screen showed a flat line. She felt her mouth go even drier than it already was, and she couldn’t even bring herself to tell them to do something. Anything.  
The two doctors looked at each other with downcast expressions, and looked at Christen, then, one doctor spoke up. 

"Time of death: 17:23"

 

Christen's world stopped.


	2. january 2, 2018

January 2, 2018

It's early. Only 8:00. But I still yearn for sleep. I crave the mindless peace that comes when the moon rises. Even though it's what I crave most, it's not granted to me. It hasn't been since you left. All I am doing is staring at the ceiling, and feeling the dampness on my cheeks as tears make their path towards my pillow. I know that it was an accident that you left, that you didn't plan to leave me, but the anger I feel towards you is haunting. I don't know why you didn't see the headlights speeding towards you, and why you didn't swerve away from them. I don't know why you've left me, but you have. 

I miss you so much, Toby. I miss the way your smile lit up the room, the way your eyes meeting mine made my heart flutter, the way your touch sent goosebumps down my spine. What I miss most is the future I could've had with you. I won't ever get to dance with you when we paint the walls of our new house, or see the look in your eyes when our daughter grabs your finger for the first time. I'll never get to see you play with our son in our backyard, or see you moping after losing a card game. I'll never see you fight tears when our babies graduate high school, or see your relief when you fall into bed after a long day. I'll never see you again. I'll never hear you say "i love you" again. And I'll never be able to say it back. I know you can't read this, but I love you with all of my heart, Toby. I don't know how I'll ever be able to stop loving you. And I don't think I want to. 

Forever, 

Christen


	3. january 9, 2018

January 9, 2018

Hey Toby, it's me. Today was your funeral. It was the first time since your accident that I've seen the team, and I don't think I've ever seen them cry this much. I'm sure you remember how everyone felt after the Olympic loss in 2016. That day, I thought we would never recover. Today was a whole different story. Everyone had tears dripping down their faces the whole service. Except me. For some reason, the tears wouldn't fall. It feels weird for me to cry without you to lean on, Toby. Allie has Batí, Alex has Servando, and Ash has Ali. They were all able to cry into their partner's shoulders, and sink into the thought that, "it would all be okay." But I couldn't do that. I had to shovel the dirt into your grave and listen to the murmurs of love coming from around me. 

My heart feels so empty, Tobs. When I got home, I just laid in the shower, and felt the water splash all over my body, because that's one of the only things I can do without being reminded of you. I can't eat, because I'm reminded of the first time that you slept over, when you cooked me a wonderful dinner, and then decided that "yeah, dessert is a good idea", and looked at me, smiled, and smeared chocolate syrup and ice cream all over my lips, and then kissed it off. I still can't sleep, because I'm reminded of the first time we slept in a bed together, and woke up with our legs entangled, bodies so close that I couldn't even move my head without my lips touching yours. I can't even play soccer, because I'm reminded of when I first got on the team, and you were one of the only people besides Kelley to welcome me. After that first practice, even though I'm sure you were exhausted, you stayed to help me do one more drill. And then another. And another. 

That's when I first started loving you, Tobs. You were such a kind, good person. You always put everyone's needs ahead of your own. Which I'm sorry for. I almost wish you weren’t so selfless. You would still be here if you weren’t. 

I was craving chocolate ice cream, and you felt the need to go get it for me, even though it was the middle of December. And then you got hit by that semi, and the damn ice cream carton exploded all over the car. I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to eat ice cream again, Toby.

I think Morena and Khaleesi miss you almost as much as I do. They aren’t eating much, and you know they could eat a horse. I’m afraid I might have to take them to the Vet, which I don’t want to do. They know us, our family, and I don’t think I can handle their pity. I might just ask my mom to take them. 

Anyways, I’m getting off track. I thought you should know, I invited your family to the funeral. I know you haven’t been very close with them these past few years, but they are your family regardless. They seemed uncomfortable seeing me, as I was the one who “made you gay”. Do you remember when your mom said that? Of course you do. How could you forget?

Your mom came up to me after you had been lowered into the ground, and gave me a tentative hug, and said she was sorry. I could see the tear streaks on her face, and I knew she regretted what she said to you. I’m going to have a difficult time forgiving her for how she made you feel, but I know you would want me to. 

You always made me a better person, and I’m so sorry I never thanked you for it. You deserve so much thanks, Toby.

I have to go, because Morena is barking, and you know how the neighbors get. I love you. 

Forever,

Christen

**Author's Note:**

> sorry, i know this seems kind of pointless and sad, but i promise it’s going somewhere.


End file.
